Hiding
by prepare4trouble
Summary: Kanan finds Ezra hiding near the perimeter of the base, Ezra finds Kanan hiding underneath his mask. Talking happens.


Ezra drew in a deep breath of arid air, and sighed. The base, usually a hive of activity, was beginning to wind down for the evening. The sun hovered large and red over the horizon, slowly dipping lower and lower in the sky.

He spotted a small stone laying on the ground near his foot, and kicked it hard. It flew off into the distance, only for him to catch it with the Force and pull it back in a sweeping arc to land in almost the same position, with a flurry of dust that quickly settled back onto the ground. He kicked it again, but misjudged the angle, and this time it flew off course, veered too far to the left and hit a supply crate that had been left abandoned nearby. From there, it ricocheted off into the side of a small spacecraft.

Ezra grimaced as the sound echoed around the base. He spun and glanced quickly around him, checking for witnesses. He found Kanan, walking toward him from behind.

Ezra turned and waited for him to approach, watching his careful but confident steps; his only visible concession to his blindness was the hand hovering just in front of him as he walked, as though it could warn him of any impending obstacles.

Kanan didn't hurry. His steps appeared slow and measured. Ezra raised a hand in greeting, realized half way through the gesture how pointless it was, and allowed it to drop back to his side. "Hey," he said instead. The ball of his foot rolled another stone, feeling the gravel of the ground crunch beneath it.

"Hiding?" Kanan asked as he arrived. His hand brushed the top of another empty supply crate, and he stopped, allowing it to rest there.

Ezra shrugged. "No. Why would you say that?"

"Apart from the fact that you've been out here by yourself most of the day, right at the perimeter, kicking stones around like a bored kid?"

Ezra felt himself scowl. "I'm not bored. Or hiding. It's just…" He sighed. "It's everything. Maul, the holocrons… Plus I'm pretty sure Hera's still mad with me about the Phantom. Half the base is whispering about me behind my back… I just wanted to get away for a while. Not have to think about it all, you know?"

Kanan nodded. Ezra stared at the mask that covered most of his face. It was difficult to get any kind of an idea as to what he might be thinking with it in the way, like an emotionless barrier between them. He wished he could say something, but even broaching the subject felt taboo. Kanan wore the thing for a reason; whether that was to hide the scars, to level the playing field between himself and those around him, or simply because Sabine had painted it for him, it didn't matter. It wasn't Ezra's place to question it.

"Did you hear the one about the blind Jedi that walked into the bar?"

Ezra paused, leg pulled back ready to kick another stone, and stared open mouthed at Kanan. "Uh… what?"

Kanan shook his head. "Just a joke that's been doing the rounds on the base for the past week or so. If you think people are talking about _you_ , you should hear some of the things they've said about me. People talk, it doesn't mean anything."

"Who's been making jokes about you?" An irrational stab of anger hit him square in the chest, and it was all he could do not to reach for his lightsaber.

Kanan shrugged. "It doesn't matter. It's not a bad joke, actually, but I'm probably not the best one to tell it. The point is, if you want to stop the talk, the best way to do it is to give them something else to talk about. Something good."

Ezra frowned. He took a deep breath and released it slowly, trying to release his anger with it. It wasn't as easy as that. It wasn't just the imagined whispers and abruptly stopped conversations as he passed, it was the constant unease that hadn't allowed him to relax since Maul had fled, leaving him with a series of confusing visions and a lingering sense of impending doom.

"Anyway, If you wanted to hide away, you should have gone further than the nearest part of the perimeter," Kanan added.

"I can't exactly go wondering around out there, can I?" Ezra countered. He waved a hand in the direction of the area outside of the base perimeter. "We can't all make friends with the spiders."

Kanan's mouth twitched into an almost-smile. "You could," he said. "They're not so bad, really." His voice dropped in volume until Ezra strained to hear him. "Once you can see them."

Ezra frowned. His eyes flicked up, instinctively trying to lock with Kanan's, searching for some clue in his expression. Once again, he ran into the barrier of the mask. He cleared his throat. "I'm sure that's supposed to sound all mysterious and wise, but honestly Kanan it kinda just sounds like nonsense…" He frowned, watching Kanan carefully for his reaction. It had been so much easier when he could see; a quick flash of eye contact would have revealed his comment for the joke it was. Now, he couldn't be sure that Kanan wouldn't misunderstand and take it the wrong way.

"I know." Kanan smiled just slightly, and shook his head. "But it's not. It's something the Bendu taught me. I'll tell you about it another time."

"Might as well be now," Ezra told him. "We're stuck here waiting until the next horrible thing happens. Might as well find some way to pass the time."

Kanan's hand gestured somewhere to his left. "Well, if we're back to sulking, I've been doing mine over there. You get much less foot traffic. The space is free right now, if you want it."

Ezra followed the wave of Kanan's hand with his eyes, and allowed an almost-smile of his own to creep onto his face. Then he remembered that Kanan couldn't see it, and forced a small laugh. It didn't quite sound real to his ears, and he doubted that Kanan was fooled either. "Nah, I don't mind sulking with company," he said. "Thanks though."

Kanan nodded. "Good, because this might sound ridiculous coming from me right now, but hiding away isn't the way to deal with this."

"I'm not…" He shook his head, dismissing the argument. "Yeah, you're right," he said. "That does sound a little ridiculous." It didn't, actually. Not at all. Kanan was coping a lot better that Ezra knew he would in the same situation. Better than most people would.

He glanced up nervously for Kanan's reaction, hoping again that he hadn't been misunderstood, and found him smiling back at him. He was struck suddenly by the height difference between them; over the course of the past few months, without him really noticing, it had begun to close. Now, they stood almost, but not quite, eye to… eye.

Ezra felt his smile falter, his gaze drawn once again to the mask. It wasn't just Kanan that had gone through changes. Everyone - everything - was different since Malachor. He raised a hand and ran it through his cropped locks. He wasn't quite used to it yet, he would catch glimpses of himself in mirrors and reflective surfaces and find himself staring, fascinated. "Hey, did you know I cut my hair?" he asked, suddenly.

Kanan nodded. "Hera mentioned something about it," he said. "And I... almost saw it in the light of the holocrons, but it was more like an impression, and there was so much happening I didn't really have time to take notice." He lifted a hand, fingers outstretched, and wiggled them slightly. "May I?"

"Oh, uh… sure," Ezra told him. He leaned forward a little as Kanan's fingers reached out carefully, sweeping in a narrow arc through the air until they found their target. He brushed them through the cropped hair. His expression, hidden beneath the mask and the beard, gave very little away. "Well?" Ezra asked him.

"It's…" he faltered. "Good."

Ezra felt his heart sink, just a little. "You hate it," he said, not sure why that stung quite as much as it did.

"No, I don't! I'm just trying to imagine how you look now, and I can't quite do it."

"Oh. Right. I didn't even think…" Ezra slumped slightly, guilt gnawing at him once again as he imagined what it must be like to know things are changing around you and be unable to see it happen. Suddenly, he regretted making the change. "Sorry," he said.

"For cutting your hair? I mean, it can't be _that_ bad!"

Ezra couldn't help but laugh, a genuine one this time. "I didn't think so until just now," he said.

Kanan chuckled in response and it almost - almost - felt like old times. Until Ezra looked at him and saw those emotionless painted eyes staring back at him. His laughter stopped in its tracks.

"Kanan?" he asked, tentatively. "How'd you know where to find me? Did the Force tell you? Did you use it to guide you?"

He shook his head. "Actually, it was Zeb. I asked him if he'd seen you and he pointed me in this direction."

"So, you didn't, I mean you don't…" Ezra tailed off, unsure of how to ask the question he wanted - needed - to know the answer to.

"Use the Force to see?" Kanan finished for him. "Yes, and no. It's…difficult to explain. It helps a lot, and I think I'm going to get better at it too, but right now a lot of the time it's guesswork and memory." He paused, and grimaced. "And counting my steps."

Ezra thought of Kanan's measured steps and consistent pace as he had approached him, and nodded. He closed his eyes and imagined the walk back to another part of the base, or to the Ghost. The idea was beyond daunting, even with the Force on his side.

Kanan's jaw twitched slightly and Ezra could read the tension in his posture. "Sorry," he said. "You probably don't want to talk about this stuff."

"I don't mind," Kanan said, and shrugged. He moved his hand from the supply crate where it had sat as though anchoring him in place since his arrival and folded his arms in an obvious attempt to feign nonchalance. He leaned back against the crate, maintaining his contact with it as though it was important that he knew where it was. "Working with the Force without sight is actually one of the first things Jedi younglings were taught at the Temple," he added. "It's one of the first exercises I did with you, remember?"

Ezra did. As well as Zeb and Chopper's laughter as they pelted him with target after target that he failed to hit with Kanan's lightsaber, and then the terrifying fall from the ship. "I remember I was pretty terrible at it," he said.

"Well, in your defense, I may have gotten ahead of myself. It was probably a little soon for that lesson, especially in that location. But you got better."

It had been some time since they had done that particular exercise, not just because of Kanan's absence over the past few months, but because it had been a long time since he had needed the practice. It was a skill he used on an almost daily basis, dodging and deflecting blaster shots coming from all angles, anticipating an enemy's moves before he made them. "I can't imagine having to do it all the time, though," he said.

"I don't do it all the time, just when I need to. But yeah, it's not easy yet. And just like you did, I'll get better at it."

Ezra felt himself frown. "But you could see when we fused the holocrons, right? Doesn't that mean that if it's bright enough, you could…"

"I… don't think it works that way," Kanan said a little too quickly, shutting down the thought before it had the opportunity to fully form. "That was… something else. Not true sight; something related to the Force that I don't fully understand yet."

Ezra nodded, then remembered there was no point. "Right," he said. "Yeah. I thought that would be too easy."

The sun had dropped below the horizon now, the last remnants of it shining up from below the curvature of the planet, as though the day was desperate to hang on for a few moments more. What he could see of Kanan's face wore a strange expression, one that he couldn't quite place without seeing the whole picture. The mask again.

"Kanan," he heard himself saying before he could stop the words. "I miss your eyes."

Kanan's lips twitched into a smile, the authenticity of which Ezra couldn't quite gauge, then he reached up and slowly removed the mask. The smile reached his eyes, which reflected the last rays of the sun in their pale surface. "That makes two of us," he said.

Ezra winced. "Sorry. That was a pretty stupid thing to say."

"It was honest," Kanan corrected. "We could probably use some of that right now." He spun the mask in his hands and turned to face in Ezra's direction. "Is it dark yet?" he asked.

Ezra glanced at the sky, the sunset was almost complete, the line of the horizon a streak of color that blended gradually into the inky black of the night sky above. "Pretty much," he said. "Apart from the lights from the base, obviously. Why?"

"Good." Kanan nodded. He tucked the mask under one arm and took a few steps toward the boundary of the base. "Let's go for a walk," he said.

Ezra stared after him. "What?" he asked.

Kanan turned back, silhouetted against the final rays of the sun. "You said you wanted to learn to connect with the spiders."

"What?" Ezra shook his head. "Now? It'll be completely dark out there soon."

"I know. That's kind of the point," Kanan told him. "Trust me, I don't think being able to see them helps anything. Bring one of the beacons, we can switch it on if this goes wrong."

Ezra hesitated, watching Kanan walk with apparent confidence out into the desert. "I really don't like this idea."

"That's pretty much what I said the first time," Kanan said, he continued walking without turning back, away from the base. Ezra pulled one of the beacons from the ground, selecting the one that would leave the smallest gap in the boundary. Kanan was already so far ahead of him that he could barely see him in the darkness. Ezra rested one hand on the hilt of his lightsaber and followed him out into the desert.

He left the beacon switched on for now.


End file.
